I am dying a slow death, as this monster named diabetes taunts my soul, sending me in a continuous down spiral. I want to scream at it, shout at it to leave my body, but nothing I say will change the path that it is choosing to take. What have I done to deserve this death sentence, I know sometimes I don’t give God all of my time by going to church, but I love him no less, haven’t I been kind to others, haven’t I loved my family and friends, haven’t I helped those that are less fortunate that I; so why was I chosen to bear this burden when I know in the end it will win.
Sometimes I stop taking my meds hoping and praying that I might slip into a coma and relieve my family of the stress of dealing with my illness, then I realize I am not hurting myself I am hurting my husband and children because they will be without me, but it still doesn’t give me comfort to live knowing your body steadily breaking down little by little. You put on top of having diabetes I have issues with my thyroid, my eyesight, and constant pain, you read this and say oh how selfish she is, she is only thinking about herself, but if don’t have diabetes then you couldn’t begin to understand what diabetics deal with. I want to live to see my children have children, to grow old with my husband, just enjoy living and traveling; however this demon that is attacking my body I fear won’t let me live and be happy. Somedays I have everything under control, my blood sugars are good, I’m eating frequently and good food, then I become discouraged and just want to lay down and die.
Why you ask would I just lay down and die without fighting for my life, because I often feel that it’s too much to bear. God said that he would never put more on us then we can bear, wouldn’t you feel just a little anger deep down inside; maybe it’s just me, because sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I just want to mad at God, but then I resolve myself to the fact that I am not alone. There are so many people who live with diabetes and lead a normal lifestyle, so why can’t I do the same? It’s simple I choose to remain in DENIAL, and until I can start taking better care of myself which includes taking my medication and stop sabotoging my self by only eating one or two meals, drinking too much cappuccino and coffee, eating chips, donuts, cookies and fast food, but start eating right and exercising to help my body fight against the disease because if I dont’ fight, then diabetes wins.