Prayer Journal

Recently I started a prayer journal and I like it, but I don’t really know what to put in it.  I have been looking for ideas and I have been on Pinterest and there are some good ideas on there, but I want it to be unique.  I want it to be my way to express myself with God.  How many times have you thought to yourself I need to do better about reading the bible and going to church?  I go through that all the time, but still don’t do it.  I am trying to better the relationship with God and slowly but surely I will.  I think way too much…so many things go through my mind and I just don’t know what to do with it all.  I know God will always have an answer for me.

 

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Prayer

How do we know if we have a secure relationship with God?  Should we feel his holy spirit with us each day?  I often wonder if I have a relationship with God and how strong is that relationship.  I want to have a relationship with God, but a lot of times I don’t feel his presence around me.  I ask the question what must I do to be saved?  I know I have to spend time with him, study the word, and ask him to save me, but there must be more? Somehow I have to find out what it is that will help me get closer to God.  I feel like my life isn’t what it should be, but then again what is my life supposed to be?  Trying to find out what your life’s purpose is, is a journey that can last a long time.  I want to start a prayer journal and use that to start a new journey to finding myself and my relationship with God.

Slow Road to Death by Diabetes

I am dying a slow death, as this monster named  diabetes taunts my soul, sending me in a continuous down spiral.  I want to scream at it, shout at it to leave my body, but nothing I say will change the path that it is choosing to take.  What have I done to deserve this death sentence, I know sometimes I don’t give God all of my time by going to church, but  I love him no less, haven’t I been kind to others, haven’t I loved my family and friends, haven’t I helped those that are less fortunate that I; so why was I chosen to bear this burden when I know in the end it will win.

Sometimes I stop taking my meds hoping and praying that I might slip into a coma and relieve my family of the stress of dealing with my illness, then I realize I am not hurting myself I am hurting my husband and children because they will be without me, but it still doesn’t give me comfort to live knowing your body steadily breaking down little by little. You put on top of having diabetes I have issues with my thyroid, my eyesight, and constant pain, you read this and say oh how selfish she is, she is only thinking about herself, but if don’t have diabetes then you couldn’t begin to understand what diabetics deal with.   I want to live to see my children have children, to grow old with my husband, just enjoy living and traveling; however this demon that is attacking my body I fear won’t let me live and be happy.  Somedays I have everything under control, my blood sugars are good, I’m eating frequently and good food, then I become discouraged and just want to lay down and die.

Why you ask would I just lay down and die without fighting for my life, because I often feel that it’s too much to bear.  God said that he would never put more on us then we can bear, wouldn’t you feel just a little anger deep down inside; maybe it’s just me, because sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I just want to mad at God, but then I resolve myself to the fact that I am not alone.  There are so many people who live with diabetes and lead a normal lifestyle, so why can’t I do the same?  It’s simple I choose to remain in DENIAL, and until I can start taking better care of myself which includes taking my medication and stop sabotoging my self by only eating one or two meals, drinking too much cappuccino and coffee, eating chips, donuts, cookies and fast food, but start eating right and exercising to help my body fight against the disease because if I dont’ fight, then diabetes wins.

Editing and Rewriting…

My mind is so boggled the editing, re-writes,  editing is driving me insane…I have so many things going on this big brain of mine (hence the sarcasm.)  Honestly I take my hat off to all the author’s and serious writers because being  a writer is hard work,  but hopefully it will work out for me…wish me luck!!!!

What is your Purpose…

I always hoped to be successful, but it never happened.   I have bounced around from job to job not staying at any of them for more than 5 years. I’ve prayed and asked God to show me my purpose,  but I still don’t have an answer.   What do I do now, at this age I should be well into my career, but unfortunately I am still trying to figure out what that is.   It’s amazing how some people automatically know what their career goals are.  Sometimes I feel angry because I have no clue what my purpose is I guess it’s not meant for me to know right now.   I like helping and talking to people, it makes me feel good to listen to people no matter what it is.  I guess I will continue to wait on God to show me my purpose.  Everyone wants to be good at something, but sometimes you never find out what that is.

I Thought It Would Be Easy

Let me say kudos to everyone that has written a book and published it.  Although I did some research on writing a novel, I didn’t really prepare myself enough on the rest of the process you know the editing, re-writes, self – publishing or going through a publishing company.   I so wrapped up in the writing part I didn’t really think beyond that until I had the pleasure of meeting (not actually face to face) but through text and email Michala and she has given me some excellent advice about different aspects of writing, editing,  and publishing.  I read a few of the blogs on here and some of them have some very interesting information on them.  I think if I did a few of the writing challenges it will help me a lot.  I have always thought about writing, but I didn’t think I could actually do.  I’m glad I gave myself a chance to try it out. I have a couple of stories already started and I’ll finish a second one and continue to learn as I go…hey I just might get good at this!!!

Mental Illness An Epidemic in America

Mental illness is a disease just like diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer. Unlike those other diseases, mental illness is looked upon much differently. Anyone dealing with a mental illness, like depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic attacks, and many others often feel ashamed of having a mental illness. Dealing with being bipolar for example has it’s issues that can disrupt your life completely, especially if you are going through a manic phase and you’re not thinking clearly. The family of a person dealing with a mental illness face a lot of obstacles. They often time have no idea when that family member is going through an episode until it is where they can see it. It is much harder for a wife, husband, mother, father, brother or sister to deal with a person suffering from a mental illness. I feel like society as a whole make dealing with a mental illness difficult because when other’s find out someone has a mental illness it’s like you have the plague. These are my own thoughts, but I have known people that deal with depression and bipolar disorder and it hurts to see someone you love deal with the up and down feeling they have from this illness. There are medications for these diseases; however it can take a lot of trial and error to finally find the correct combination of medication to help control the depressive side of the illness and the manic side of being bipolar. What I find most startling is that the African American population I think have the strongest stigma against those with a mental illness. Why you ask is this such an issue with the African American population? A lot of African Americans think that it’s more of a spirit within that person that’s cause them to have the problem. African American people believe that the person is going through what they feel is some type of mental illness is because they aren’t spiritual enough and that perhaps one has turned their back on God, therefore this is their punishment by God. I am sure there are other cultures that shun their people that deal with some sort of mental illness, but the only way society will understand mental illness is to become more educated on the subject. I wish more people would take time to talk to someone that deals with a mental illness and try and understand how it affects their life and their families.